He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
