dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
operation harelip BJ is a go
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
