when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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