therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
