even my farts smell like vagina
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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