I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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