Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
