we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
