No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
