You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
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