Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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