I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
