You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
