not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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