I don't think brook has ever known best
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
