About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
