i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
