Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
