I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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