If i could tip my vagina, i would.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I fill condoms, not promises.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
