WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
