you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
