...so i touched it.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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