I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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