you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
