mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
