after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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