My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
50% drunk capacity currently
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dear god my vagina.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
