I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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