somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
