Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
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I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
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Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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