im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
