that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
