i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
