I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
