Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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