Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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