:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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