he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
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you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
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So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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