Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
