Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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