he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
