fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.