Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
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I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it