Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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