Texts From Last Night

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  (305): View more from Florida

  Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.

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  (305): Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that. http://tfl.nu/r17f
  Replies (41) Good night (1009) Bad night (4519)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.

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  (314): Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal. http://tfl.nu/asgk
  Replies (34) Good night (1353) Bad night (2212)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.

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  (832): I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets. http://tfl.nu/n0nj
  Replies (8) Good night (4780) Bad night (859)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.

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  (316): Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can. http://tfl.nu/zubg
  Replies (26) Good night (1268) Bad night (4048)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?

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  (863): During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart? http://tfl.nu/3xgk
  Replies (26) Good night (7429) Bad night (1175)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

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  (985): The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH http://tfl.nu/8euf
  Replies (39) Good night (4218) Bad night (679)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy

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  (775): How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy http://tfl.nu/hobw
  Replies (7) Good night (1131) Bad night (2594)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.

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  (701): I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks. http://tfl.nu/hedo
  Replies (4) Good night (1267) Bad night (423)
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  (347): View more from New York

  The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  That does not seem like timing

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  (347): The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is? (973): That does not seem like timing http://tfl.nu/n0dp
  Replies (3) Good night (539) Bad night (607)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.

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  (316): You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off. http://tfl.nu/rf92
  Replies (4) Good night (347) Bad night (778)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.

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  (405): In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win. http://tfl.nu/zkyh
  Replies (4) Good night (645) Bad night (273)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.

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  (479): It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes. http://tfl.nu/bp5y
  Replies (0) Good night (435) Bad night (267)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"

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  (561): My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally" http://tfl.nu/drl0
  Replies (1) Good night (577) Bad night (424)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup

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  (403): i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup http://tfl.nu/p8ne
  Replies (3) Good night (663) Bad night (343)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.

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  (731): It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked. http://tfl.nu/thm4
  Replies (4) Good night (641) Bad night (228)

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