thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.