I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.