were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
