every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you told grandpa to call you daddy
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
