he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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