Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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