If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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