i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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