Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
