Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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