I am in a vortex of obligation.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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