Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
