i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
