swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come share oat with me in your robe
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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