you have to choose: penises or morals?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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