okay pat passed out under dana's car
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
