k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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