it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
