i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
