Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
