Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
