The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
