he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
