All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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