it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
