Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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