I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
