Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
