im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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