I want you more than these girls want KFC
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
