standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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