so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You have to summon your inner elephant
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
