i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
