so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
