just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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