Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
