apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
