She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
