Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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