about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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