She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Found the puke drawer
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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