The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
is it fun? or sober?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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